I guess its time to begin writing blogs again. The last two years have floored me in both sadness and disbelief in the nature of people. I have been silenced by court ordered restraining orders and not "allowed" to discuss the things happening in my life. And although in this forum I will still myself from disclosing too much about the last two years I will begin to write again.
I am currently obtaining a Law Degree and Have gotten straight A's in college and I am thrilled about that!
Hunter is home for the summer..a long summer!! As he doesnt go back to school until possibly late September and I am so happy to have him here!
I currently work a job from home and have made the decision to begin my home based business again that I ran for 12 years very successfully. Hunter and I lost everything but the clothes off our backs a couple of years ago and so I will be starting from scratch even buying supplies and I know it will be a longer process than I normally have patience for as I am a "right here right now" type of girl. But I will make my peace with that before I even begin it all.
Happiness doesnt depend on others and their choices in their lives. It depends on yourself and who you choose to surround yourself with and how you choose to move forward. With happy eyes or with eyes glued on the past. The future is full of potential and full of dreams where the last two years of my life have been filled with sadness and utter and complete disbelief at the hate and greed and lies of this world.
I want to get back in my "Renee Bubble" and live my life as I know it to be. Full of integrity and honor and kindness and hope.
Back on board...feet forward...eyes never looking back.....and a heart that is full of love and hope and dreams.
Friday, June 04, 2010
Saturday, February 09, 2008
Kiss of Life..
I am stressed. I mean really stressed. This is very unlike me. I have weathered storms that would put the best people under the sinking boat. But....I am stressed.
Did I mention how stressed I am?
I have been responsible for a business since january and have quite a few people counting on me make the right decisions. And now I am starting a second business to ensure that Hunter and I have a future that could potentially be financially secure.
The last week has been especially hectic as with one business we are finishing a house which is always a time of checking and double checking. And starting the new one to get it fully operational. I am spread thin and I have been not myself and it just doesnt feel quite right.
Tonight is the first night that I have been home and able to work on stuff from home which usually takes about 30 hours a week of my time and I havent touched it in about 4 weeks. Yes I am stressed.
I just walked upstairs to throw in a load of laundry in the washer and I hear Hunter in the tub playing. And i stood in my room listening to my child as he played with his toys and did his "Boy stuff" and my stress started to ebb some. and as soon as I walked into the doorway to grab the towels from the floor.
He was rattling off yugioh phrases like sword of light...dragon of fire...stuff like that and he said "Mommy...Kiss of Life". And that is what i received...the kiss of Life.
Yeah that made it all better. All better.
Tomorrow is another day.....Another step closer to my destiny.
Did I mention how stressed I am?
I have been responsible for a business since january and have quite a few people counting on me make the right decisions. And now I am starting a second business to ensure that Hunter and I have a future that could potentially be financially secure.
The last week has been especially hectic as with one business we are finishing a house which is always a time of checking and double checking. And starting the new one to get it fully operational. I am spread thin and I have been not myself and it just doesnt feel quite right.
Tonight is the first night that I have been home and able to work on stuff from home which usually takes about 30 hours a week of my time and I havent touched it in about 4 weeks. Yes I am stressed.
I just walked upstairs to throw in a load of laundry in the washer and I hear Hunter in the tub playing. And i stood in my room listening to my child as he played with his toys and did his "Boy stuff" and my stress started to ebb some. and as soon as I walked into the doorway to grab the towels from the floor.
He was rattling off yugioh phrases like sword of light...dragon of fire...stuff like that and he said "Mommy...Kiss of Life". And that is what i received...the kiss of Life.
Yeah that made it all better. All better.
Tomorrow is another day.....Another step closer to my destiny.
Naked Pics......
OK....not really But My Myspace friend is paying me alot to get him some hits on his site....here is some information about him.
HolyJuan is one of the most clever, funniest and sexy blogs on the internet. Doug is also very cute in a fat married guy kinda way.
here is the link to his site he asked me to post. Please visit him there so that we can feed his ego and make him more popular!!!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=119288374&MyToken=e6697162-a842-4f1d-9b5e-34cf95cfddc9
you can also find him at blogspot....I can guarentee he will delight your blog palette
http://holyjuan.blogspot.com/
you wont be sorry....I promise ....he is really a non sarcastic truly loving and giving individual with alot of wonderful things to say!
here is one of my favorite photos of him
Oh wait!! that was the one before he shaved!
HolyJuan is one of the most clever, funniest and sexy blogs on the internet. Doug is also very cute in a fat married guy kinda way.
here is the link to his site he asked me to post. Please visit him there so that we can feed his ego and make him more popular!!!
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=119288374&MyToken=e6697162-a842-4f1d-9b5e-34cf95cfddc9
you can also find him at blogspot....I can guarentee he will delight your blog palette
http://holyjuan.blogspot.com/
you wont be sorry....I promise ....he is really a non sarcastic truly loving and giving individual with alot of wonderful things to say!
here is one of my favorite photos of him
Oh wait!! that was the one before he shaved!
there he is!!! Enjoy!
Why Sharks Ruined My Vacation Plans
Nothing is impossible…..to a willing heart…
If you read any of my blogs or profile or know me at all I am an expert "Renee Runner". As I explain to anyone who asks me why….. its not so much a run away, but a run to. A run to where my heart can run free and be alive. A place where I can see new things and the exhilaration that comes with it. A place where I can once again find my spirit and my passion and my zest for life. Even if it is only an hour drive late at night with the moon roof open and the stars shining onto my face..music up loud , hair flying, smile at full tilt.
Well, its been almost a year since Hunter and I have done a full blown, leave the state, do something we hadn't thought we would ever do ..flying by the seat of our pants kind of run.
I had my ideas of where I wanted to go…Hawaii…a cruise….Florida….Niagra falls?
Hawaii was shot down with a "Mommy, that's an island isn't it?" "Yes, My Hunter." "Next".
Florida..we actually went there last year..
A cruise…."Mommy you mean out on the Ocean?" "Yes my Darling boy" "Well aren't there sharks in the Ocean?" Yes sweetheart there are but you will be on a big boat". "Mommy!!! Sharks can bite through metal you know!!!!" Ok…so no cruise….how can you argue with that logic. I can only use my "Do not live in a spirit of fear" speech so many times.
Niagra Falls….now there is a plan! Something we can both agree on and would be so cool to do! Something we have talked on for about a year!! And then we are heading to the East coast to find some adventure….see some things we have never seen. And make some memories …see what beauty we can find. See where our peace might lie. Put our souls back in order before we come back home.
I wonder what kind of adventure we will find this summer so my baby and I will have memories to last a lifetime!!??
As nothing is impossible.....to a willing heart.
If you read any of my blogs or profile or know me at all I am an expert "Renee Runner". As I explain to anyone who asks me why….. its not so much a run away, but a run to. A run to where my heart can run free and be alive. A place where I can see new things and the exhilaration that comes with it. A place where I can once again find my spirit and my passion and my zest for life. Even if it is only an hour drive late at night with the moon roof open and the stars shining onto my face..music up loud , hair flying, smile at full tilt.
Well, its been almost a year since Hunter and I have done a full blown, leave the state, do something we hadn't thought we would ever do ..flying by the seat of our pants kind of run.
I had my ideas of where I wanted to go…Hawaii…a cruise….Florida….Niagra falls?
Hawaii was shot down with a "Mommy, that's an island isn't it?" "Yes, My Hunter." "Next".
Florida..we actually went there last year..
A cruise…."Mommy you mean out on the Ocean?" "Yes my Darling boy" "Well aren't there sharks in the Ocean?" Yes sweetheart there are but you will be on a big boat". "Mommy!!! Sharks can bite through metal you know!!!!" Ok…so no cruise….how can you argue with that logic. I can only use my "Do not live in a spirit of fear" speech so many times.
Niagra Falls….now there is a plan! Something we can both agree on and would be so cool to do! Something we have talked on for about a year!! And then we are heading to the East coast to find some adventure….see some things we have never seen. And make some memories …see what beauty we can find. See where our peace might lie. Put our souls back in order before we come back home.
I wonder what kind of adventure we will find this summer so my baby and I will have memories to last a lifetime!!??
As nothing is impossible.....to a willing heart.
I kiss Everyone but then I kiss no one...
I kiss everyone. But then I really kiss no one.
I Live everyday to find my elusive peace.
I Work hard to a fault. Not for others but for myself and for the way I feel I should work.
I Talk about running all the time and normally would. But lately I don't feel so inclined to run anymore.
I Wish upon stars... and moons and acorns.
And I place those acorns in my loved ones hands and know that all I wish will come true for them.
I Enjoy the feeling in my heart when it is on fire.
I Look at the world with rose colored glasses. It's something I wont change about myself.
I Find I often get the biggest kick from things that catch me off guard.
I Smell a flower and it makes me want to paint or draw or create.
I Hide how I feel deep inside from most people. There are a few people who have been able to read me like a book and break through all of that.
I Pray for happiness. For me and for anyone else I encounter.
I Walk but never in my Father or my Mothers footsteps. My journey is uniquely mine.
I Write to express myself.
I write to tell special people things I cannot say in person.
I See as no one else does. And then I wonder why they cant see things the way I do.
I Sing at the top of my lungs when I am happy. And I cry when I don't fool someone enough that they know when I am sad.
I Can do anything I set my mind to. It is my gift.
I Watch….and I love to be watched. I like to be the center of attention at times, but I know when not to be.
I Yearn for a day when everything I have seen in my dreams comes true.
I Daydream every second of every day. Without it I wouldn't be me. My dreams are my passion.
I Want to be the person that no one ever forgets. I want to be unforgettable and undeniable.
I Cry when I can no longer laugh. And then I only cry for a minute and then allow my smile to come back.
I Read billboards. Especially ones about Alpacas.
I Love every single child in the world. Every child has something so beautiful about themselves that is just busting to be allowed out.
I make it a point to let them know what it is I see in them and pray that those words will stick with them and someday change their lives for the better.
I Wonder about love. Will I ever find it and find someone who will give it back the way i am willing to give it.
I Touch everything. Including people I meet. Some think it's a bad habit. I think it's a way to let people know you are paying attention to them and that I think they are special.
I Hurt over the silliest things. But then I am strong when it comes to the hardest things.
I Fear not one thing. I do not live in a spirit of fear.
I will not voice fears because it gives them wings to grow and to take over your life. No fear for this girl. I will take comfort though.
I Hope for everyone to follow their dreams. And to never take themselves and their dreams for granted. We have dreams for a reason.
I Break the bank when I am sad. I think it is my release. It's a habit I want to break.
I Eat only when I remember to. I have tried to train myself to eat three meals. But I get so caught up in my day or my thoughts I forget.
I Quit nothing. To a fault even. And when I am pushed to the point of no choice. But, I am blessed beyond measure because I do not quit. Maybe I should give in more often and not be so determined. Ok..that was a one second thought and its over now.
I am not a quitter.
I Bathe in Jacuzzi tubs. And showers that are made for a King. Its my one guilty pleasure.
I Drink water like its going out of style. I drink pop very rarely. I drink alcohol when I want to cut loose in a different way. When just smiling through the day isn't enough any more.I Stopped no actually, I never stopped believing in destiny.
I know where my destiny lies.I Save every single sentimental thing I can. Everything is a memory to me.
I Hug everyone I can get my hands on that needs one. Even strangers if I can get away with it.
I Play music and I dance around the house when no one is looking. Lately there have been contractors at my house everyday and I haven't been able to and it is sorely missed.
I Miss knowing that there aren't bad people in the world. I never wanted to know the truth about that.I Hold my heart in my hands. Way too often anymore.I Forgive every single person who needs forgiven. Its my best and my worst quality.I Drive to try to find my peace through mini Renee Runs. I put the moon roof down and I play the music loud and I sing and I cry and I drive fast and I go absolutely nowhere. I just drive.I Learn to say no. But I don't want to.I Have a mom and an aunt who are legally blind. I secretly feared I would go blind for years and the most selfish thought I ever had was about that. That what would I do if I couldn't see all the beautiful colors and all the beautiful things. Of course I would still have seen them. Only with my heart instead of my eyes.I Don't believe in limited chances to be happy. I believe that we all have as many chances as we are willing to take to grab our happiness. And also, that we all deserve to be happy. Even if that means freeing the person who makes you sad so they can also go and find their happiness. Ok..maybe above wasn't my most selfish thought or action. Maybe holding onto to something that wasn't where I found my happiness was.I Made myself climb to the top of something simply because I was so afraid to do it.
I Kiss everyone. But then I really kiss no one. My ex used to hate that about me that I wouldnt kiss him.I Believe people kiss the way they want you to kiss them back. Its very telling.
I Wait patiently. Almost all the time. And when I get impatient my world falls apart. But inside I am impatient for all things I want.
I Need to be happy. Sadness is not who I am.
I Feel as if I have a whole life ahead of me. A million things to accomplish all while seeking my peace. I know I will find it.
I Know that I am right all the time. Even when I don't know how I am right I am . sometimes I wish I weren't always so right. Luckily I don't always voice when I am right. I think I spoke this one over myself for too many years.
I Wonder how it is in this great big world. I became who I am.I Am someone who would gather the whole world up in my arms and keep them safe. Even though it is not possible to do so.
I Tag for the fun of it….hee hee.
I Live everyday to find my elusive peace.
I Work hard to a fault. Not for others but for myself and for the way I feel I should work.
I Talk about running all the time and normally would. But lately I don't feel so inclined to run anymore.
I Wish upon stars... and moons and acorns.
And I place those acorns in my loved ones hands and know that all I wish will come true for them.
I Enjoy the feeling in my heart when it is on fire.
I Look at the world with rose colored glasses. It's something I wont change about myself.
I Find I often get the biggest kick from things that catch me off guard.
I Smell a flower and it makes me want to paint or draw or create.
I Hide how I feel deep inside from most people. There are a few people who have been able to read me like a book and break through all of that.
I Pray for happiness. For me and for anyone else I encounter.
I Walk but never in my Father or my Mothers footsteps. My journey is uniquely mine.
I Write to express myself.
I write to tell special people things I cannot say in person.
I See as no one else does. And then I wonder why they cant see things the way I do.
I Sing at the top of my lungs when I am happy. And I cry when I don't fool someone enough that they know when I am sad.
I Can do anything I set my mind to. It is my gift.
I Watch….and I love to be watched. I like to be the center of attention at times, but I know when not to be.
I Yearn for a day when everything I have seen in my dreams comes true.
I Daydream every second of every day. Without it I wouldn't be me. My dreams are my passion.
I Want to be the person that no one ever forgets. I want to be unforgettable and undeniable.
I Cry when I can no longer laugh. And then I only cry for a minute and then allow my smile to come back.
I Read billboards. Especially ones about Alpacas.
I Love every single child in the world. Every child has something so beautiful about themselves that is just busting to be allowed out.
I make it a point to let them know what it is I see in them and pray that those words will stick with them and someday change their lives for the better.
I Wonder about love. Will I ever find it and find someone who will give it back the way i am willing to give it.
I Touch everything. Including people I meet. Some think it's a bad habit. I think it's a way to let people know you are paying attention to them and that I think they are special.
I Hurt over the silliest things. But then I am strong when it comes to the hardest things.
I Fear not one thing. I do not live in a spirit of fear.
I will not voice fears because it gives them wings to grow and to take over your life. No fear for this girl. I will take comfort though.
I Hope for everyone to follow their dreams. And to never take themselves and their dreams for granted. We have dreams for a reason.
I Break the bank when I am sad. I think it is my release. It's a habit I want to break.
I Eat only when I remember to. I have tried to train myself to eat three meals. But I get so caught up in my day or my thoughts I forget.
I Quit nothing. To a fault even. And when I am pushed to the point of no choice. But, I am blessed beyond measure because I do not quit. Maybe I should give in more often and not be so determined. Ok..that was a one second thought and its over now.
I am not a quitter.
I Bathe in Jacuzzi tubs. And showers that are made for a King. Its my one guilty pleasure.
I Drink water like its going out of style. I drink pop very rarely. I drink alcohol when I want to cut loose in a different way. When just smiling through the day isn't enough any more.I Stopped no actually, I never stopped believing in destiny.
I know where my destiny lies.I Save every single sentimental thing I can. Everything is a memory to me.
I Hug everyone I can get my hands on that needs one. Even strangers if I can get away with it.
I Play music and I dance around the house when no one is looking. Lately there have been contractors at my house everyday and I haven't been able to and it is sorely missed.
I Miss knowing that there aren't bad people in the world. I never wanted to know the truth about that.I Hold my heart in my hands. Way too often anymore.I Forgive every single person who needs forgiven. Its my best and my worst quality.I Drive to try to find my peace through mini Renee Runs. I put the moon roof down and I play the music loud and I sing and I cry and I drive fast and I go absolutely nowhere. I just drive.I Learn to say no. But I don't want to.I Have a mom and an aunt who are legally blind. I secretly feared I would go blind for years and the most selfish thought I ever had was about that. That what would I do if I couldn't see all the beautiful colors and all the beautiful things. Of course I would still have seen them. Only with my heart instead of my eyes.I Don't believe in limited chances to be happy. I believe that we all have as many chances as we are willing to take to grab our happiness. And also, that we all deserve to be happy. Even if that means freeing the person who makes you sad so they can also go and find their happiness. Ok..maybe above wasn't my most selfish thought or action. Maybe holding onto to something that wasn't where I found my happiness was.I Made myself climb to the top of something simply because I was so afraid to do it.
I Kiss everyone. But then I really kiss no one. My ex used to hate that about me that I wouldnt kiss him.I Believe people kiss the way they want you to kiss them back. Its very telling.
I Wait patiently. Almost all the time. And when I get impatient my world falls apart. But inside I am impatient for all things I want.
I Need to be happy. Sadness is not who I am.
I Feel as if I have a whole life ahead of me. A million things to accomplish all while seeking my peace. I know I will find it.
I Know that I am right all the time. Even when I don't know how I am right I am . sometimes I wish I weren't always so right. Luckily I don't always voice when I am right. I think I spoke this one over myself for too many years.
I Wonder how it is in this great big world. I became who I am.I Am someone who would gather the whole world up in my arms and keep them safe. Even though it is not possible to do so.
I Tag for the fun of it….hee hee.
Happiness is a life on fire...
Happiness….a scary prospect?
Why is it when someone finds happiness do they not run even more towards it? Instead of away from it? What is it about human nature that tells us that we cannot just be happy?
Is it the thing inside us that makes us uniquely human in that we are always striving? Always looking for that next thing? Always trying to better ourselves and our situations?
Why do we run? Are we afraid of happiness and what it will do to our hearts if it is taken away abruptly? Do we not trust happiness? Is happiness not the greatest of all of lifes many gifts?
So precious …yet so few of us treasure it when we actually have it, and then miss it beyond reason when it slips thru our hands?
What constitutes happiness? Is it Houses, Cars, Money? Friends, Lovers, The one and only? Is it Passion? Is it following our dreams no matter where they take us? Is Happiness Peace? Is it accepting who you are in this life and becoming comfortable in that realization? Or is it shaking it up until life becomes what you want it to be? Is it not being stagnant? Never missing an opportunity to tell someone how you really feel about them? Because tomorrow you could turn around and they may be gone and you have lost that opportunity to make someone feel better about themselves or to know the truth…
Is happiness being alone on a Saturday morning in the quietness of the day and writing what your heart is asking of you? And the dreams that are running through your head waiting to be put to paper or instituted in the way only you can?
Is it the realization after a year that you have set a new course for your life and you have made the right choice and now have no regrets? And no matter what decisions you make now or which direction you go there is no going back to the life you left behind? And you kept your word to yourself that you would do everything possible to make things work until the point where there is nothing else you can do but let go and move forward….and the peace that comes with that accomplishment?
Is it integrity and honor then?
What are people seeking when their dreams consist of lust and greed? Is that their happiness?
As for me I measure happiness by following my intuition and my heart. If I am not following my heart it is not bursting from my chest with excitement and passion then I am not happy. That is how I measure my happiness. When a million things are running through my head. But, then I can still find my peace with the quietness of the morning.
Surely that is pure happiness….to be in a good place , a place where you are safe and comfortable, and on fire for what life has to offer you.
Why is it when someone finds happiness do they not run even more towards it? Instead of away from it? What is it about human nature that tells us that we cannot just be happy?
Is it the thing inside us that makes us uniquely human in that we are always striving? Always looking for that next thing? Always trying to better ourselves and our situations?
Why do we run? Are we afraid of happiness and what it will do to our hearts if it is taken away abruptly? Do we not trust happiness? Is happiness not the greatest of all of lifes many gifts?
So precious …yet so few of us treasure it when we actually have it, and then miss it beyond reason when it slips thru our hands?
What constitutes happiness? Is it Houses, Cars, Money? Friends, Lovers, The one and only? Is it Passion? Is it following our dreams no matter where they take us? Is Happiness Peace? Is it accepting who you are in this life and becoming comfortable in that realization? Or is it shaking it up until life becomes what you want it to be? Is it not being stagnant? Never missing an opportunity to tell someone how you really feel about them? Because tomorrow you could turn around and they may be gone and you have lost that opportunity to make someone feel better about themselves or to know the truth…
Is happiness being alone on a Saturday morning in the quietness of the day and writing what your heart is asking of you? And the dreams that are running through your head waiting to be put to paper or instituted in the way only you can?
Is it the realization after a year that you have set a new course for your life and you have made the right choice and now have no regrets? And no matter what decisions you make now or which direction you go there is no going back to the life you left behind? And you kept your word to yourself that you would do everything possible to make things work until the point where there is nothing else you can do but let go and move forward….and the peace that comes with that accomplishment?
Is it integrity and honor then?
What are people seeking when their dreams consist of lust and greed? Is that their happiness?
As for me I measure happiness by following my intuition and my heart. If I am not following my heart it is not bursting from my chest with excitement and passion then I am not happy. That is how I measure my happiness. When a million things are running through my head. But, then I can still find my peace with the quietness of the morning.
Surely that is pure happiness….to be in a good place , a place where you are safe and comfortable, and on fire for what life has to offer you.
In My Life....
I have been to the top of a mountain and to the bottom of the valley I have the physical scars to prove it.
I have fought the fight for life and come out on the other side.
I have loved beyond reason and been all the better for that love.
I have been loved beyond reason and that made me run.
I have given shamelessly and purposefully to enrich myself.
I have been the one that was leaned on and been the leaner at times.
I have been destitute more than once and been very rich other times.
I have been so blinded by my "Renee Bubble" I didn't even know I was destitute so rich was my life.
I have known passion unmatched and felt sadness unrivaled.
I have swam in the warmest waters and lived through the coldest winters.
I have had friendships undying and had friends leave I never thought would.
I have watched a soul mate leave this earth after she fought for her life.
I have fought for the life of the one who should've been my soul mate.
I have watched the stars and the moon and dreamed and wished upon them.
I have given birth and experienced the greatest joy of my life.
I have made mistakes and learned to live with them.
I have made good choices and been blessed beyond measure.
I have been a secret keeper and been the secret that was kept.
I have prayed for peace and waited for the day it would come.
I have been on the end of an abusive hand more than once and didn't let it change who I was.
I have been saddened beyond measure and been happier than a person should be allowed to be.
I have known fear that was chilling and unrelenting and conquered that fear.
I have known happiness that warmed me to my very core.
I have been in the public spotlight and yet remain hidden, by choice of course.
I have secretly been involved with a nationally known public figure and yet I still cannot discuss it.
I have been the keeper of peoples dreams and held them in my hands.
I have been the dasher of others dreams and regret the way I handled every one of them.
I have decided to never dash anyones dreams ever again unless they are ones that shouldn't be dreamed and are harmful.
I have watched every child I have ever met and looked for the one special thing that makes them uniquely who they are.
I have never completely given my heart to someone , yet I love everyone in some way.
I have been published.
I have painted murals upon murals.
I have a million dreams still running through my mind waiting to be let out.
I have gone over 100mph….more than once.
I have had hair short enough I looked like a boy and hair so long I could sit on it.
I have never known the true love only a mother could give.
I have put myself to the side so others could have what I did not.
I have walked barefoot over gravel roads.
I have swam in creeks and come out with leeches.
I have walked away from opportunities only to be given another.
I haven't always chosen the easiest path to follow.
I have never regretted that either.
I have ridden the "L" train.
I have walked through a gangway.
I have been to the top of reunion tower.
I have eaten Doritos and drank OJ on a strangers porch to get out of the rain and to pass the afternoon.
I have smiled at almost everyone I have ever looked at.
I have constantly been mistaken as an employee everywhere I have shopped. And asked to help find things in that store.
I have never told anyone I didn't work there. I helped them find what they needed.
I have walked away from what I thought would be my home forever.
I have made a life for myself.
And still….I have a lot of life to live and to give.
I have fought the fight for life and come out on the other side.
I have loved beyond reason and been all the better for that love.
I have been loved beyond reason and that made me run.
I have given shamelessly and purposefully to enrich myself.
I have been the one that was leaned on and been the leaner at times.
I have been destitute more than once and been very rich other times.
I have been so blinded by my "Renee Bubble" I didn't even know I was destitute so rich was my life.
I have known passion unmatched and felt sadness unrivaled.
I have swam in the warmest waters and lived through the coldest winters.
I have had friendships undying and had friends leave I never thought would.
I have watched a soul mate leave this earth after she fought for her life.
I have fought for the life of the one who should've been my soul mate.
I have watched the stars and the moon and dreamed and wished upon them.
I have given birth and experienced the greatest joy of my life.
I have made mistakes and learned to live with them.
I have made good choices and been blessed beyond measure.
I have been a secret keeper and been the secret that was kept.
I have prayed for peace and waited for the day it would come.
I have been on the end of an abusive hand more than once and didn't let it change who I was.
I have been saddened beyond measure and been happier than a person should be allowed to be.
I have known fear that was chilling and unrelenting and conquered that fear.
I have known happiness that warmed me to my very core.
I have been in the public spotlight and yet remain hidden, by choice of course.
I have secretly been involved with a nationally known public figure and yet I still cannot discuss it.
I have been the keeper of peoples dreams and held them in my hands.
I have been the dasher of others dreams and regret the way I handled every one of them.
I have decided to never dash anyones dreams ever again unless they are ones that shouldn't be dreamed and are harmful.
I have watched every child I have ever met and looked for the one special thing that makes them uniquely who they are.
I have never completely given my heart to someone , yet I love everyone in some way.
I have been published.
I have painted murals upon murals.
I have a million dreams still running through my mind waiting to be let out.
I have gone over 100mph….more than once.
I have had hair short enough I looked like a boy and hair so long I could sit on it.
I have never known the true love only a mother could give.
I have put myself to the side so others could have what I did not.
I have walked barefoot over gravel roads.
I have swam in creeks and come out with leeches.
I have walked away from opportunities only to be given another.
I haven't always chosen the easiest path to follow.
I have never regretted that either.
I have ridden the "L" train.
I have walked through a gangway.
I have been to the top of reunion tower.
I have eaten Doritos and drank OJ on a strangers porch to get out of the rain and to pass the afternoon.
I have smiled at almost everyone I have ever looked at.
I have constantly been mistaken as an employee everywhere I have shopped. And asked to help find things in that store.
I have never told anyone I didn't work there. I helped them find what they needed.
I have walked away from what I thought would be my home forever.
I have made a life for myself.
And still….I have a lot of life to live and to give.
The One I Love...
The One I Love.....
In my eyes is perfect and amazing….
In my heart he is always happy….
In my soul he is undeniable….
In my hands he is like clay to be molded…..
In my ears he is the most beautiful sound…
In my shoes I hope to make him the man he will need to be….
By my side with him I am invincible….
In his eyes I hope to be flawless….
In his heart I hope to never be replaced….
In his hands I am putty …..
In his ears I am pretty sure I am his comfort although sometimes he acts annoyed.
In his shoes I hope to one day fill because I find his strength and courage unmatched….
By his side I will always be….
For he is the one I love….My wonderful Hunter…..The reason I am and do everything.
In my eyes is perfect and amazing….
In my heart he is always happy….
In my soul he is undeniable….
In my hands he is like clay to be molded…..
In my ears he is the most beautiful sound…
In my shoes I hope to make him the man he will need to be….
By my side with him I am invincible….
In his eyes I hope to be flawless….
In his heart I hope to never be replaced….
In his hands I am putty …..
In his ears I am pretty sure I am his comfort although sometimes he acts annoyed.
In his shoes I hope to one day fill because I find his strength and courage unmatched….
By his side I will always be….
For he is the one I love….My wonderful Hunter…..The reason I am and do everything.
Even the Strongest of us Flees..
Faced with a choice of fleeing or fighting sometimes even the strongest of us run.
Emotions clouding our vision..make even the clearest of choices blur.
Emotions cloud our endeavors…to make us view things differently by someone elses words.
Destiny clears the path, but for how long before other things stand in the way again?
How many times do we rewrite our destiny? How many days are spent rethinking what we know to be true in our spirits?
How many times will we allow those who do not understand our destiny take what isn't theirs to take?
So again, faced with a choice of fleeing or fighting sometimes even the strongest of us run…run to ourselves and run to the destiny that awaits us. Not away from those we love but to the one its of the utmost importance to love the most….Ourselves.
Emotions clouding our vision..make even the clearest of choices blur.
Emotions cloud our endeavors…to make us view things differently by someone elses words.
Destiny clears the path, but for how long before other things stand in the way again?
How many times do we rewrite our destiny? How many days are spent rethinking what we know to be true in our spirits?
How many times will we allow those who do not understand our destiny take what isn't theirs to take?
So again, faced with a choice of fleeing or fighting sometimes even the strongest of us run…run to ourselves and run to the destiny that awaits us. Not away from those we love but to the one its of the utmost importance to love the most….Ourselves.
I am THAT girl...
Dont say to me "Don't Dream too Far..."
I am THAT girl....the girl whose dreams take her away and make her life steady and strong.
I am THAT girl...the one who looks for the silver lining even if it entails staying inside my "Renee Bubble".
I am THAT girl..... who believes ultimately that all have good intentions until its beat and battered into me that they dont.
I am THAT girl....Who wont give up on dreams and Possibilities.
Dont Dream too far?? That is an impossibility for I already have tasted where those dreams will lead me. And I want to be there.
I am THAT girl....the girl whose dreams take her away and make her life steady and strong.
I am THAT girl...the one who looks for the silver lining even if it entails staying inside my "Renee Bubble".
I am THAT girl..... who believes ultimately that all have good intentions until its beat and battered into me that they dont.
I am THAT girl....Who wont give up on dreams and Possibilities.
Dont Dream too far?? That is an impossibility for I already have tasted where those dreams will lead me. And I want to be there.
I was petting my Walrus all morning...
I was petting my walrus all morning …….
and alls I could think of was you.
Last Night I celebrated New Years Eve with Hunter. Everyone left work around 3:30 and Hunter and I decided to crawl into my bed and watch movies till we dropped! It was so fun.
One of my favorite movies is fifty first dates. I find it to be refreshing and wonderful to think that there would be someone who would love you so much that every day they show up in your life and find any way possible to make you fall in love with them over and over again. And on the days when you don't they try again the next .
And the man…he is so silly and offbeat he makes your toes curl with his wit and with his undeniable charm. Isnt that what life is about? Laughter and love and undeniable passion whether it be for someone or something? Finding someone who looks forward and not backwards and when you look at them … the only thought in your head is that you have seen the path that their eyes wander down and that you want to go too. That the like-mindedness of their thoughts fill your very soul with wonder and awe and you know even when you don't know what it is… that this is the man is the man of your dreams and who without him one day the sun would shine less brightly and your heart feel an empty spot even before you get your first glimpse of him that and yet again fall in love another day. There is just something less in your life.
I know that movie is so silly and funny and so darn adorable you have to watch it every time you accidentally pass it when channel surfing. And it touches you and makes you cry at the ending EVERY single time. But it is the best. It makes your heart warm. And makes you feel like you are home in the eyes of your beloved.
And Hunter…he has gotten to the point of actually finding adult humor funny! That was the best part of the night hearing him laugh uncontrollably as Lucy beat Olaf with a bat and ran after him down the hill. And telling me that it reminded me of me as she shouted " You better run!" …hee hee.
Or when lucy is singing and painting and so full of life that she makes your very own heart leap to see it. Her heart is so free to be who she is…its absolutely endearing.
I know this seems like some kind of a movie review but that movie always touches my heart because that is how I want my love to be when I finally find it.
Shouldn't your heart soar? Shouldn't your mind be so happy that every day is wondrous? Why do people think its not possible? Why shouldn't your dreams and passions come true. Who wrote the rule that you cannot have all of that and so much more? Embrace life and take it where you need it to be and not be held back by what others do and say because they do not know your heart and your soul nor do they know your personal destiny. It is yours to know and to realize.
And hopefully you can find your soul double to share all that passion and all of that love with.
The new year rings bright with promise this year…with new paths to follow and with new dreams to realize and new goals to pursue.
Happy 2008. May every path you find yourself on be prosperous and happy and bring you closer to your destination.
and alls I could think of was you.
Last Night I celebrated New Years Eve with Hunter. Everyone left work around 3:30 and Hunter and I decided to crawl into my bed and watch movies till we dropped! It was so fun.
One of my favorite movies is fifty first dates. I find it to be refreshing and wonderful to think that there would be someone who would love you so much that every day they show up in your life and find any way possible to make you fall in love with them over and over again. And on the days when you don't they try again the next .
And the man…he is so silly and offbeat he makes your toes curl with his wit and with his undeniable charm. Isnt that what life is about? Laughter and love and undeniable passion whether it be for someone or something? Finding someone who looks forward and not backwards and when you look at them … the only thought in your head is that you have seen the path that their eyes wander down and that you want to go too. That the like-mindedness of their thoughts fill your very soul with wonder and awe and you know even when you don't know what it is… that this is the man is the man of your dreams and who without him one day the sun would shine less brightly and your heart feel an empty spot even before you get your first glimpse of him that and yet again fall in love another day. There is just something less in your life.
I know that movie is so silly and funny and so darn adorable you have to watch it every time you accidentally pass it when channel surfing. And it touches you and makes you cry at the ending EVERY single time. But it is the best. It makes your heart warm. And makes you feel like you are home in the eyes of your beloved.
And Hunter…he has gotten to the point of actually finding adult humor funny! That was the best part of the night hearing him laugh uncontrollably as Lucy beat Olaf with a bat and ran after him down the hill. And telling me that it reminded me of me as she shouted " You better run!" …hee hee.
Or when lucy is singing and painting and so full of life that she makes your very own heart leap to see it. Her heart is so free to be who she is…its absolutely endearing.
I know this seems like some kind of a movie review but that movie always touches my heart because that is how I want my love to be when I finally find it.
Shouldn't your heart soar? Shouldn't your mind be so happy that every day is wondrous? Why do people think its not possible? Why shouldn't your dreams and passions come true. Who wrote the rule that you cannot have all of that and so much more? Embrace life and take it where you need it to be and not be held back by what others do and say because they do not know your heart and your soul nor do they know your personal destiny. It is yours to know and to realize.
And hopefully you can find your soul double to share all that passion and all of that love with.
The new year rings bright with promise this year…with new paths to follow and with new dreams to realize and new goals to pursue.
Happy 2008. May every path you find yourself on be prosperous and happy and bring you closer to your destination.
Running in Mud
We write we live we create to be mortal or immortalized. We pour our hearts and our imaginations out into words so that we will be remembered and captured for the future whether it be for our children, our friends, or for complete strangers we want to feel as if our lives and our thoughts have meaning and someone made them important enough to stop for a minute and ponder them or that they can change someones life. ( I believe that is why I do it…to make someone stop and think what they could do better..where they could touch someone elses lives and therefore make theirs more. Also because I like to feel like I have a voice in this life…and then there is the fact that I feel better when I express myself.)
Wouldn't Life would be so good if we could freeze time..time when we were happy, time when we were loved. Time when everything made sense. Time when our children were little and carefree. Time when alls you had to do was smile and their whole lives were easier and simple. A time when you looked at things and everything looked rosier and more manageable.
I still look at the world and know its conquerable, some days I feel like I am conquering it alone though..is this not what life is about? Am I running in mud trying to get others to push the limits….push their passion, push their goals and attitudes..what they want out of life… how can someone have no goals?? No spirit for what they can accomplish or be? My mind is boggled by it. Some days its unimaginable that I have so many people who are so dependent on my decisions and how I choose to live..but I have stepped onto this path and I have to follow it where I plan for it to be. There is no turning back.
And why is it that my dreams and goals are misunderstood? Can people not look at me and read me like a book? No….actually they don't seem to. I think its impossible to want too much out of life. I believe if you speak it and dream it ….it is a possibility. I realize not everyone has the same dreams as me..and I try to wrap my mind round the possibility of a life less lived…a dream not dreamed…a heart that is caged..but for me it cant be. I am less being less. My heart is broken and sullied by the mud I run in. and I am ready to free my dirty heart and mend it.
But still so many find themselves tracing footsteps that may have washed away. Hoping to regain and renew and capture those thoughts and feelings that can never be recovered. The ones of course who have made them who they are…but none the less gone but for memory's sake. We hold onto old loves…loves that should've been but they just weren't the love that was supposed to be yours. We hold onto lives that we feel should have been simply because those are the choices we have made. When our hearts cry from our chests that something just isn't what it is supposed to be but we hide behind the "choice" the humiliation of facing the ones that we love and opening our own doors to happiness. We grasp at straws and make excuses for how things are instead of how we can make them. A love lost…is a love lost. Once a love has been damaged or lost or forsaken it is forever changed. It can never be the fragile precious thing it once was. It has to be tended to and treated as the most fragile of things. Once the feeling is gone it is gone forever. We may mourn the loss of it and recreate it in our minds but it will never be what it once was.
I think that is the same thing as a dream…it is a dream for a reason…it's a footstep to your destiny. It's a way to realize where it is your eyes should be facing. And which direction your feet should be moving towards. And a place where your broken heart can live and mend and go forward.
In the end the past may be all most people have. But not me…I plan to plant my eyes forward onto the possibilities of what can be and what will be. Living in the past does me no favors and every time I do my heart starts to break for the time that should've been, could've been…..or shouldn't have been.
Sometimes nothing is how it should be but we hold onto what we need it to be. And that is the saddest destiny of all. I wont live that anymore.
My life and my dreams are about to soar I am done running in the mud with my spiked heels getting stuck so deep it stops me dead in my tracks. I will be running with my feet on wings not on the solid ground where mud and roots and holes abound. There will be no stopping me once my mind is made up. I plan to be immortalized by not only my writings but the way I lived my life so that others can live their lives better also.
Wouldn't Life would be so good if we could freeze time..time when we were happy, time when we were loved. Time when everything made sense. Time when our children were little and carefree. Time when alls you had to do was smile and their whole lives were easier and simple. A time when you looked at things and everything looked rosier and more manageable.
I still look at the world and know its conquerable, some days I feel like I am conquering it alone though..is this not what life is about? Am I running in mud trying to get others to push the limits….push their passion, push their goals and attitudes..what they want out of life… how can someone have no goals?? No spirit for what they can accomplish or be? My mind is boggled by it. Some days its unimaginable that I have so many people who are so dependent on my decisions and how I choose to live..but I have stepped onto this path and I have to follow it where I plan for it to be. There is no turning back.
And why is it that my dreams and goals are misunderstood? Can people not look at me and read me like a book? No….actually they don't seem to. I think its impossible to want too much out of life. I believe if you speak it and dream it ….it is a possibility. I realize not everyone has the same dreams as me..and I try to wrap my mind round the possibility of a life less lived…a dream not dreamed…a heart that is caged..but for me it cant be. I am less being less. My heart is broken and sullied by the mud I run in. and I am ready to free my dirty heart and mend it.
But still so many find themselves tracing footsteps that may have washed away. Hoping to regain and renew and capture those thoughts and feelings that can never be recovered. The ones of course who have made them who they are…but none the less gone but for memory's sake. We hold onto old loves…loves that should've been but they just weren't the love that was supposed to be yours. We hold onto lives that we feel should have been simply because those are the choices we have made. When our hearts cry from our chests that something just isn't what it is supposed to be but we hide behind the "choice" the humiliation of facing the ones that we love and opening our own doors to happiness. We grasp at straws and make excuses for how things are instead of how we can make them. A love lost…is a love lost. Once a love has been damaged or lost or forsaken it is forever changed. It can never be the fragile precious thing it once was. It has to be tended to and treated as the most fragile of things. Once the feeling is gone it is gone forever. We may mourn the loss of it and recreate it in our minds but it will never be what it once was.
I think that is the same thing as a dream…it is a dream for a reason…it's a footstep to your destiny. It's a way to realize where it is your eyes should be facing. And which direction your feet should be moving towards. And a place where your broken heart can live and mend and go forward.
In the end the past may be all most people have. But not me…I plan to plant my eyes forward onto the possibilities of what can be and what will be. Living in the past does me no favors and every time I do my heart starts to break for the time that should've been, could've been…..or shouldn't have been.
Sometimes nothing is how it should be but we hold onto what we need it to be. And that is the saddest destiny of all. I wont live that anymore.
My life and my dreams are about to soar I am done running in the mud with my spiked heels getting stuck so deep it stops me dead in my tracks. I will be running with my feet on wings not on the solid ground where mud and roots and holes abound. There will be no stopping me once my mind is made up. I plan to be immortalized by not only my writings but the way I lived my life so that others can live their lives better also.
Rocks in My Socks
Rocks in My Socks…...
Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like the little kid who has put rocks in their socks and cant figure out why it hurts??
Sometimes in life we make decisions that continue to haunt us sometimes years after we have broken the chains of them….
This week has been one of those for me.
I always wonder how decisions made by someone else can so rock the worlds that we have fought and struggled to create for ourselves. This is one of those questions like people ask of God. I always hate it when people ask God why he does things to them. I could've screamed that about a million times this week, but I know that there was no greater power up there pointing his finger at me and bellowing "YOU!!!! YOU ARE MY TARGET THIS WEEK."
I know that these things happened because of the who the man I chose to marry 11 years ago is… and whom after we separated I still wanted the best for so I didn't completely walk away. I know who this man is and I know what he creates in this life of mine and my son. And yet I still have ties to him with this mixed up notion that he is the Father of my child and for that very reason he deserves some golden Emmy or something. It's just not true. It's time for me to realize that I am the only one fighting for his rights and for his life to be on a better path. He is too consumed by whatever it is that runs through his head that blinds him from seeing that he has the most beautiful souled child in the world looking at him with love. And that child deserves so much more than the things he is offering him in his "70 percent of the time right" mind.
At what point in our lives do we make the distinction that we do not follow the sins of our Fathers? Or, of our Mothers? Where in the handbook is it written that you are no longer at the mercy of your past and you now take control of your future? Why do some people see it clear as day and others can't get past the disappointment of their past? And why do some blame everything bad in their lives that they themselves have brought forth because of the "things" that happened to them in their childhood?
I feel like I am drowning in the self pity that is my ex husband. His, and not mine. If I choose to walk away from him completely Hunters and my life become lives on fire…full of possibility and full of smiles. But also I am sure full of future regret for Hunter who is always after the truth. He wants no sugar coating of anything he just wants the truth. And sometimes the truth is a hard pill to swallow.
How when I am such a dreamer is my child such a realist?
Is he my great equalizer?? Its so very possible because since the day he was born he has completely changed me forever. I do not do things I would've done before simply because of my love for him there are always two in the equation now. And, not just one. People question me and debate with me over decisions I make , but I know when they feel strong in my heart I must stand up to them because I lose myself each and every time I follow someone else's path for me.
And the moment I walk away from whatever someone else thinks should be right for me and follow my heart my life becomes wide open and strong and looking towards the sun again. My eyes are forward again even though I do not know what will happen over the next few weeks..whether Jeff will regain his health. Or whether the new role I have to take in my professional life will change the world as I know it to be…But..what I do know is I am following my heart and my intuition…and therefore everything in front of me is mine…and I own it.
Destiny lies in the dreams we follow not in the ones we leave behind.
Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like the little kid who has put rocks in their socks and cant figure out why it hurts??
Sometimes in life we make decisions that continue to haunt us sometimes years after we have broken the chains of them….
This week has been one of those for me.
I always wonder how decisions made by someone else can so rock the worlds that we have fought and struggled to create for ourselves. This is one of those questions like people ask of God. I always hate it when people ask God why he does things to them. I could've screamed that about a million times this week, but I know that there was no greater power up there pointing his finger at me and bellowing "YOU!!!! YOU ARE MY TARGET THIS WEEK."
I know that these things happened because of the who the man I chose to marry 11 years ago is… and whom after we separated I still wanted the best for so I didn't completely walk away. I know who this man is and I know what he creates in this life of mine and my son. And yet I still have ties to him with this mixed up notion that he is the Father of my child and for that very reason he deserves some golden Emmy or something. It's just not true. It's time for me to realize that I am the only one fighting for his rights and for his life to be on a better path. He is too consumed by whatever it is that runs through his head that blinds him from seeing that he has the most beautiful souled child in the world looking at him with love. And that child deserves so much more than the things he is offering him in his "70 percent of the time right" mind.
At what point in our lives do we make the distinction that we do not follow the sins of our Fathers? Or, of our Mothers? Where in the handbook is it written that you are no longer at the mercy of your past and you now take control of your future? Why do some people see it clear as day and others can't get past the disappointment of their past? And why do some blame everything bad in their lives that they themselves have brought forth because of the "things" that happened to them in their childhood?
I feel like I am drowning in the self pity that is my ex husband. His, and not mine. If I choose to walk away from him completely Hunters and my life become lives on fire…full of possibility and full of smiles. But also I am sure full of future regret for Hunter who is always after the truth. He wants no sugar coating of anything he just wants the truth. And sometimes the truth is a hard pill to swallow.
How when I am such a dreamer is my child such a realist?
Is he my great equalizer?? Its so very possible because since the day he was born he has completely changed me forever. I do not do things I would've done before simply because of my love for him there are always two in the equation now. And, not just one. People question me and debate with me over decisions I make , but I know when they feel strong in my heart I must stand up to them because I lose myself each and every time I follow someone else's path for me.
And the moment I walk away from whatever someone else thinks should be right for me and follow my heart my life becomes wide open and strong and looking towards the sun again. My eyes are forward again even though I do not know what will happen over the next few weeks..whether Jeff will regain his health. Or whether the new role I have to take in my professional life will change the world as I know it to be…But..what I do know is I am following my heart and my intuition…and therefore everything in front of me is mine…and I own it.
Destiny lies in the dreams we follow not in the ones we leave behind.
Moments of Happiness
The thought of happiness and what it actually is in actual physical and spiritual things has been passing through my mind a lot lately. The last few years haven't all the way turned out as in this "Renee Bubble" of a mind of mine had once portrayed them. But my thought is this…..
That Happiness comes a moment at a time…Moments of happiness…moments of contentment…moments of achievement and moments of true passion set forth. And it's what we do in these moments of happiness and passion that determine the outcome of them and our lives. If we embrace them when they come and make of them what is destined to be then we level out the tired times and the " I can't go any further times" and we can rest in the down times and live high in the up times and somehow life comes together the way it should.
It's when you allow the moments that aren't so proud, the moments that hurt you, the moments that aren't your most shiny and allow them to define you as a person then that is where the sadness comes in. We have to learn and move forward when we haven't done what is best and haven't done what we knew needed done ……and so when the moments of happiness and destiny are upon them we must go for it with all the gusto and life we can muster!
That is what I believe to be happiness fulfilling your dream and your destiny. And along the way of that living a life true to yourself and therefore you will be shown to those around you and they will benefit from just knowing you .
And Have Faith in your dreams…..if you trust yourself to follow them..then the very act of following them will make you happy.
That Happiness comes a moment at a time…Moments of happiness…moments of contentment…moments of achievement and moments of true passion set forth. And it's what we do in these moments of happiness and passion that determine the outcome of them and our lives. If we embrace them when they come and make of them what is destined to be then we level out the tired times and the " I can't go any further times" and we can rest in the down times and live high in the up times and somehow life comes together the way it should.
It's when you allow the moments that aren't so proud, the moments that hurt you, the moments that aren't your most shiny and allow them to define you as a person then that is where the sadness comes in. We have to learn and move forward when we haven't done what is best and haven't done what we knew needed done ……and so when the moments of happiness and destiny are upon them we must go for it with all the gusto and life we can muster!
That is what I believe to be happiness fulfilling your dream and your destiny. And along the way of that living a life true to yourself and therefore you will be shown to those around you and they will benefit from just knowing you .
And Have Faith in your dreams…..if you trust yourself to follow them..then the very act of following them will make you happy.
Monday, July 17, 2006
Today I am A Moose.....
I have a beautiful child....His name is Blair . My child LOVES to swim....He will do about anything to be in the water. He takes 6 hour baths "swimming" in my corner garden tub. He will stay outside playing in the hose for hours on end. Last summer we could be found almost daily at the waterpark with our season passes in hand. It never got old.Or in the huge pool we set up in the back that destroyed the fragile grass of my yard. Last summer I didnt have a job. This summer I have to work because I have put my husband out on his ear and I am responsible for oh, so much more . No details necessary here...the less we talk about him the better.
Said ex roommate lives in one of the houses my business partner and I own and across from this house there is a BIG swimming pool!!!! It has a diving board and a park and tons of kids!!! Every time we pass this pool I think to myself. I need to investigate this pool which is walking distance from ex roommates house.
Today we investigated....It is a Moose Lodge. Hmmmm.....very interesting! Not only will this membership come with dinner any night of the week when I dont feel like cooking, cheap booze,tons of fellowship with people who are older than my parents,apparently there is also a beauty pagent where the men dress up in womens clothes...bathing suits and all (lets not delve into this too far either) and also....there are dances!!!! Now thats something I can wrap my arms around and embrace!!! I have a friend who has a band....their band plays at the Eagles lodge and my friends and I get to go and dance our asses off and in general let loose. I never feel threatened or hit on in this place because the men who ask me to dance dance in the "Glen Miller "Era of dance. smooth and light on their feet. Wisking me away to fairy princess land when the slow dances begin!
There is one fellow that is always there....always wearing the same pair of suspenders....who I always dance with. He is a hoot!!
Sometimes my girlfriends and I stick him in the middle of our dance circle.....he is such a good sport.
So as I heard about the "Dances" My heart began to race. Could I possibly find another suspendered non-threatening man to dance my nights away with?
Where do I sign up?
Right there?? On the dotted line??
I am soooooooo IN!!!!
So anyway....My child now has a place that he and my ex roommate can walk to as they spend the summer together neither of them with a job swimming to their hearts content. And I have a place to spend my Friday and Saturday nights dancing till I am dizzy and satiated and no threat of being hit on!
I have to be sworn in on Wednesday Night....apparently there is some ritual I will then be privvy to as I become a female Moose member. I hope its not like a college pledge thing. I can see it now. Geriatric women in depends with beer bongs. Telling raunchy stories as they get wasted on cheap bourbon of suspendered men. (I hope they dont ruin that one for me) . Asking me to Cat sit their twenty cats so they can go away for a weekend at the retirement villa deluxe.
I have a hard time saying no.... I am working on that though.
I already made a new friend at the pool today.. Her name was Claudia. she was 6 years older than my mom....but cute as a button!
As Blair walked up I heard him say. "Great..Mom has made a new friend".
I am so IN!!!
Please refrain from calling me Moose.
Honey Caves fits me sooooooo much better.
Said ex roommate lives in one of the houses my business partner and I own and across from this house there is a BIG swimming pool!!!! It has a diving board and a park and tons of kids!!! Every time we pass this pool I think to myself. I need to investigate this pool which is walking distance from ex roommates house.
Today we investigated....It is a Moose Lodge. Hmmmm.....very interesting! Not only will this membership come with dinner any night of the week when I dont feel like cooking, cheap booze,tons of fellowship with people who are older than my parents,apparently there is also a beauty pagent where the men dress up in womens clothes...bathing suits and all (lets not delve into this too far either) and also....there are dances!!!! Now thats something I can wrap my arms around and embrace!!! I have a friend who has a band....their band plays at the Eagles lodge and my friends and I get to go and dance our asses off and in general let loose. I never feel threatened or hit on in this place because the men who ask me to dance dance in the "Glen Miller "Era of dance. smooth and light on their feet. Wisking me away to fairy princess land when the slow dances begin!
There is one fellow that is always there....always wearing the same pair of suspenders....who I always dance with. He is a hoot!!
Sometimes my girlfriends and I stick him in the middle of our dance circle.....he is such a good sport.
So as I heard about the "Dances" My heart began to race. Could I possibly find another suspendered non-threatening man to dance my nights away with?
Where do I sign up?
Right there?? On the dotted line??
I am soooooooo IN!!!!
So anyway....My child now has a place that he and my ex roommate can walk to as they spend the summer together neither of them with a job swimming to their hearts content. And I have a place to spend my Friday and Saturday nights dancing till I am dizzy and satiated and no threat of being hit on!
I have to be sworn in on Wednesday Night....apparently there is some ritual I will then be privvy to as I become a female Moose member. I hope its not like a college pledge thing. I can see it now. Geriatric women in depends with beer bongs. Telling raunchy stories as they get wasted on cheap bourbon of suspendered men. (I hope they dont ruin that one for me) . Asking me to Cat sit their twenty cats so they can go away for a weekend at the retirement villa deluxe.
I have a hard time saying no.... I am working on that though.
I already made a new friend at the pool today.. Her name was Claudia. she was 6 years older than my mom....but cute as a button!
As Blair walked up I heard him say. "Great..Mom has made a new friend".
I am so IN!!!
Please refrain from calling me Moose.
Honey Caves fits me sooooooo much better.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
Blogging Etiquette
1. Never Blog about friends using their real names. especially friends who could possibly see for themselves or hear from other friends about your blog about them. Especially after a night of drinking at the local bar. You may receive that 2AM call. And not the good call Like the booty drunk dial.
2. When blogging about yourself. Make sure you are emotionally stable at the time of the writing. Make sure you havent just broken off with your mate of the last 10 months. Or that you arent trying to impress anyone but yourself. Also ensure that you reread blog in case you had changed the name and maybe accidentially wrote the right name in its place.
3. Always stick with a theme for yourself. Some bloggers are the funny bloggers, some are the I only make fun of myself bloggers, some go in for the kill and attack all living things in their sight, and still some others are just naturally witty and charming and it just shines through their writings. Never stray from your style.
4. Never write a blog about someone else whom you have heard a secret about. Especially if its a very personal secret. not only will you not be able to keep a straight face the next time you see them. But you will only find humor in their misery. And they will know you know.
5.When in a new relationship with a fellow blogger dont pour your soul out to the whole blogging community. You may find yourself the fodder of a future blog about that "crazy chick from Blog spot.com".
6. Leave innocent children, Old Men, and Fat women out of your blogs. Your words may come back to bite you one day....literally.
7. Never put your Mom in one of your blogs. She did give birth to you. I know you were only kidding , but later... you will regret it.
8.Never go out "searching" for a blog. Just let them come to you naturally. Its just safer that way.
9. Never blog out loud ....always blog in writing. There are still alot of people who dont know what a blog is exactly. And also, you will receive funny looks.
10. Never sacrifice sleep for a good blog. Sure, write cliffnotes.....write on your hand or your leg...but for Gods sake dont write delirious. It can only come back to haunt you.
Which goes back to number 2....and should also include proofreading.
Good Blogging.....Honey Caves
2. When blogging about yourself. Make sure you are emotionally stable at the time of the writing. Make sure you havent just broken off with your mate of the last 10 months. Or that you arent trying to impress anyone but yourself. Also ensure that you reread blog in case you had changed the name and maybe accidentially wrote the right name in its place.
3. Always stick with a theme for yourself. Some bloggers are the funny bloggers, some are the I only make fun of myself bloggers, some go in for the kill and attack all living things in their sight, and still some others are just naturally witty and charming and it just shines through their writings. Never stray from your style.
4. Never write a blog about someone else whom you have heard a secret about. Especially if its a very personal secret. not only will you not be able to keep a straight face the next time you see them. But you will only find humor in their misery. And they will know you know.
5.When in a new relationship with a fellow blogger dont pour your soul out to the whole blogging community. You may find yourself the fodder of a future blog about that "crazy chick from Blog spot.com".
6. Leave innocent children, Old Men, and Fat women out of your blogs. Your words may come back to bite you one day....literally.
7. Never put your Mom in one of your blogs. She did give birth to you. I know you were only kidding , but later... you will regret it.
8.Never go out "searching" for a blog. Just let them come to you naturally. Its just safer that way.
9. Never blog out loud ....always blog in writing. There are still alot of people who dont know what a blog is exactly. And also, you will receive funny looks.
10. Never sacrifice sleep for a good blog. Sure, write cliffnotes.....write on your hand or your leg...but for Gods sake dont write delirious. It can only come back to haunt you.
Which goes back to number 2....and should also include proofreading.
Good Blogging.....Honey Caves
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Blogging Virgin
Well here I am. About to pop my blogging cherry on this blogging site.
I have felt the peer pressure from my friends and I have to admit, I am a bit curious as to how it will feel. Will it just be another experience or will it forever change my virgin soul to release all the stories in my mind and from my experiences to about 23 million people? Will I feel virtually naked in a crowded room? Or will it make me lose my hangups and finally be free to "Be who I am"?
I am on Myspace , but somehow posting some intimate stories on my profile so that my 1000 plus friends can just know way too much about me is really not that appealing. So here goes.
I am here in this moment in time and I am going to take the plunge so to speak.
I have to admit I have been through more experiences than the average Joe and when I go to write one down about 60 million different experiences go running through my mind and I find it hard to choose just one.
So this may just be the release I have been searching for.
Wish me luck....
Take me for who I am....For i change for noone. I have been down that road and its so oppressive. So if you dont like my blogs...dont read them. Move onto the next person on your list I really dont need to know. They werent posted for you anyway.
Time to get practice for when I make millions of dollars for my secret offshore bank account by writing porn or doing something equally as shocking... (just kidding.....I promise to not write porn on here...) are we allowed to anyway?
Dont most men find it really cool when a girl writes porn? Am I digressing again?Why am I even talking about porn? when I should be writing...lol.
Now that I have your attention by writing the word porn at least 7 times. Maybe I should start my day and get in the shower so I can decide what my first real blog will be about while I am driving around doing what has to be done today.
Ok....I am here now....and out there.
There is no turning back now.
Honey Caves
I have felt the peer pressure from my friends and I have to admit, I am a bit curious as to how it will feel. Will it just be another experience or will it forever change my virgin soul to release all the stories in my mind and from my experiences to about 23 million people? Will I feel virtually naked in a crowded room? Or will it make me lose my hangups and finally be free to "Be who I am"?
I am on Myspace , but somehow posting some intimate stories on my profile so that my 1000 plus friends can just know way too much about me is really not that appealing. So here goes.
I am here in this moment in time and I am going to take the plunge so to speak.
I have to admit I have been through more experiences than the average Joe and when I go to write one down about 60 million different experiences go running through my mind and I find it hard to choose just one.
So this may just be the release I have been searching for.
Wish me luck....
Take me for who I am....For i change for noone. I have been down that road and its so oppressive. So if you dont like my blogs...dont read them. Move onto the next person on your list I really dont need to know. They werent posted for you anyway.
Time to get practice for when I make millions of dollars for my secret offshore bank account by writing porn or doing something equally as shocking... (just kidding.....I promise to not write porn on here...) are we allowed to anyway?
Dont most men find it really cool when a girl writes porn? Am I digressing again?Why am I even talking about porn? when I should be writing...lol.
Now that I have your attention by writing the word porn at least 7 times. Maybe I should start my day and get in the shower so I can decide what my first real blog will be about while I am driving around doing what has to be done today.
Ok....I am here now....and out there.
There is no turning back now.
Honey Caves
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